It is 0712 on July 6, 2010. I am on vacation, or what we call in the Army “leave”, and I keep thinking about work. I guess I am not really on what some people will call a vacation; I am home relaxing and hanging out with family for a total of 30 days. You can really say I am just getting situated in my new apartment in Virginia waiting for my new assignment to begin.  Moving yourself is not really relaxing and unpacking either. I like to feel calmness around me though, so I have set up the apartment and unpacked pretty much in two days after moving. I don’t like feeling chaos which is what a messy place makes me feel. I am what some people call neat freak or a little OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) but I am hardly that. Like I said I like things clean and organized.  Let me not get of subject. So…

I report back to duty at the end of July to start something so new and different from what I have been doing. I PCSed from Fort Drum, NY to Virginia to become an AIT PSG (Advanced Individual Training Platoon Sergeant)…or what some people like to call it jokingly, a babysitter. But that is not it really. It is a very important job as I found out when I went to school for it about 4 weeks ago in Fort Jackson, SC. I learned some things there, mostly what not to do with the new entry Soldiers to keep me out of trouble, and of course some other things which I won’t bore you with.  But what I am about to do is not so different and new from what I have done at my operation unit as a PSG. It will mostly just be in a much bigger scale, think 80-100 Soldiers in a platoon versus the 20 or so I had. Then add the fact that they are brand new Soldiers to the Army and most of them have several issues. All for which I have to take care of so they can concentrate in school while working to create a Soldier that will be productive once they are released to their unit. I will be in what is called TRADOC (Training and Doctrine Command). The laws that govern TRADOC are not quite the same as in the regular operational Army. These Soldiers are not far from being a civilian, they had just made the transition from a civilian to a Soldier in Basic Combat Training and now it’s my job to refine that and maintain it. They will be now training for the job they signed up for in the Army. I have the opportunity to make a difference in these Soldiers lives and in the Army, by producing great Soldiers. I don’t want to send out Soldiers that create the same reaction that the NCOs in my last unit and me were feeling. The “what is up with these new Soldiers coming in,” and “they let anyone graduate,” or “Soldiers nowadays are so weak….”  Most of those reactions and wrong and stereotypical or just see things from the surface, but I want to graduate Soldiers that even from the surface will seem strong and ready for any mission.

I guess the point of all of this is the fact that as I laid in bed last night I kept thinking about work and how I should write about it; mostly to get help on the issue that is really keeping me up, my future. Should or should I not stay in the Army and make it a career.  Some people that have been in and got out would say to do just that. Those that have gotten out love it, some end up coming back in after a while because of poor planning maybe. I know that is not what I would do because if I do get out I would have a plan. Actually I do now. I make a plan and adjust it as needed constantly as things change. I like feeling a bit of security knowing my near future. I am a “planner” I guess.  Then there are those that already know they are making it a career and most knew from the beginning that they would do at least 20 years.  Those people tell me stay in; you are almost at the half way point its downhill from there. Or… you are doing great; you will make it far, etc. But to me all the options are good and mostly true. But which is right for me I have yet to decide.

The Army is a great organization. It really is. For those that talk bad about it I would have to say it was them that made it what it was. Just like almost anything in life you make it what you want. The Army can be great or really bad if you let it. All you have to do to be successful is be a good Soldier, follow the rules and do your job; you will make it far just by doing that. With that, the Army isn’t just for anyone. But to me, if you joined and found out it wasn’t for you, do your time honorably and get out. Don’t make it hard on someone else by being a mediocre Soldier because that just makes the rest of us work harder. But that’s another subject.

Anyways, the Army can be really good. The fact that I can take 30 days of leave and still get paid is awesome. I have been able to save money and at 25 I am very well off compared to some of my civilian counterparts. I have experience in some things that many won’t get the chance to ever do. And I have experienced things many won’t get to experience. I have free healthcare, that perhaps is not the greatest but it is free and it has worked fine for me. I get money just for my rent, money for food and my base pay. I get paid to work out and sometimes work is really not work. I get a lot free holidays and days off just because. I get money to go to school while I am in on top of the GI Bill I will get after I get out. And the benefits go on. I am really grateful for what the Army has provided for me. It began as a means to an end but it has become so much more, whether I want to admit it or not.

With all the good, there is some bad. The Army can be very time and energy consuming. There are missions that are very stressful. You have to deal with people from all over the world that you might not always get along with. Deployments are one whole year long. Then there is the training in between that keeps you away from family. And the schools added on top of that. Really early days and late nights are the standard. There is also all the doctrine and regulations the Army has that sometimes you can’t keep up with; most of them can be frustrating and dumb. There might be a lot more that people don’t like about the Army, but those might be those same people that got out kicking and screaming if you know what I mean.  These reasons are the ones holding me back from deciding to just stay in and do my 20.

I would like to start having a few children soon, I am not getting any younger, but I don’t want to not be there as they grow up. As I said earlier, I like to control things in my world and I sure as heck want to be there every step of the way for my kids. If I stay in I won’t always get to be there and I would miss out on things. It is not impossible to do because I have seen many do it, but it is not easy. It’s not easy on the kids, spouse or oneself. It can be hard on relationships as I have seen many deteriorate and I am not talking just marriages. So what do I do? I really like the Army and I am good at what I do. I love the feeling it can bring and sense of purpose. It has been good and bad to me, but mostly good. I do credit a lot of what I have to the opportunities I have had in the Army. Maybe I can do kids and deployments, but one year is just too much. I have done it twice now and I don’t know how that will work with a kid in the picture. I don’t want to even find out. I am at a hard crossroads right now. I can’t decide because I would love to see how far I can get in the Army and every time I think about getting out it hurts. I reenlisted recently, back in Sep 09, and right after I made the decision I felt so happy and relieved, I knew I had made the right choice. That is also because it pained me to think about it all ending. I was supposed to get out in 2011 (I was determined, my mind was made up) but I got orders that I had to extend for and the possibilities started flowing so I reenlisted till 2013…with a small bonus which didn’t hurt. So here I am now. I don’t have to decide yet but I will have to soon enough. I guess I will just go with the flow and see how things start working out before I decide. I do ask God to guide me in the direction he wants for me.

So what do you think?  Do you have any ideas or opinions? I want to hear them…especially if you found yourself here before.

Thanks for reading, Ana.